The Org Skits
by PickUpThePen
Summary: A bunch of random skits about the Org and the stuff they do :P Rated for safety.
1. Chapter 1

_Welcome to the Org XIII Skits! It's a compilation of really random scenes from what I think really goes on in their everyday lives. Spwaned from boredom… There's no plot. _

_WARNING: YAOI. Nothing too heavy though._

_I do not own Kingdom Hearts and blah blah blah…_

_***_

Late at night in the Org chair room:

Xemnas: Here is the list of missions for tomorrow. *presents papers to Saix*

Saix: Okay I'll run it by the… ….. ummm Xemnas? What's this here about me going to your room to…

Xemnas: Don't question the plans, it is all in the name of Kingdom Hearts!

Saix: But Xemnas… *turns over page* It's over two pages long?! And you wrote down I have to give you a-

Xemnas: JUSTDOITFORKINGDOMHEARTS!!!

***

In Demyx's room:  
Demyx: *playing sitar* Woah! Gotta pee! *Puts down sitar and exits room*  
*walks into nearest bathroom*

Axel: AHH!  
Demyx: WAAH! …Axel?

Axel: Shh! Close the door idiot!

Demyx: What are you doing on the floor with the lights off? *flicks on light*

Axel: *freezes, caught holding binoculars to the window*

Demyx: *looks through window to see Roxas changing*

Roxas: *lowers head to put on pajama top. Notices Axel and Demyx in the opposite window. Commences screaming.*

Axel: Shit! Look what you've done! *stands up and glares furiously*

Demyx: (in a frightened whisper) I don't have to pee anymore…

***

Grey Area:

Roxas: Hey Axel? What exactly does Demyx do?

Axel: Well that's not very nice! Every member of Organization XIII has a special skill!

Roxas: So what is Demyx's?

Demyx: *snores loudly from couch behind them*

Axel: Lots of stuff! Why just last week…

*flashback*

Somewhere in Agrabah:

Heartless: *charging at Axel and Demyx*

Axel: No you don't! *uses Demyx as human shield, then human bat*

Demyx: *flails*

***

Luxord's room:

Luxord: *sits up in bed, holding his head* Ughhh …. Drank too much last night.

…. Huh? *notices frilly red thong sitting atop bedsheets. Picks up* What have we here?

*Toilet flushes in bathroom*

(excitedly) Did I do something with Larxene last night?!

Xaldin: *poking head out from door* May I have that back? *pointing at thong*

Luxord: *DDD8!!!*

***

Organization meeing in the chair room:

Xemnas: Okay our first order of business… ….. DEMYX! Pay attention!

Demyx: *jolts, pulling finger out of nose*

Xemnas: … As I was saying, our first order of business is of utmost importance.

Vexen: If this is about the chemical spill in the kitchen…

Xemnas: the what? *looks to Saix*

Saix: *shrugs*

Vexen: Nevermind!

Xemnas: …. *glares.* First order of business is to discuss the budget.

Demyx: We have a budget?

Xemnas: And this is exactly WHY we need to discuss the budget. It would seem that most of the money has been used on purchasing hair products.

*Camera pans to Axel and Demyx, then Larxene and Roxas.*

Axel: Might I point out that these supplies are crucial to our performance?

Xemnas: You're all hemorrhaging money!

Demyx: We are not! *chucks unused bottle at passing fly*

Axel: It's well spent!

Xemnas: Name one reason why you need 20 bottles of hairspray a day.

*flashback*

Axel: *waiting behind doors to Grey Area*

Xaldin: *enters*

Axel: *sprays in face. Then drops bottle and runs*

Xaldin: AXEL! *picks up bottle and chases*

Axel: *Lights bottle on fire, causing to explode.*

Xaldin: AUGH!

***

Grey Area:

(Luxord, Xaldin, Xigbar, Lexeaus, and Saix are gathered around a round table, drinking beer, and with Luxord shuffling cards.)

Xemnas: *walks into room and looks around* I don't remember authorizing a poker night.

Luxord: Oh come on, superior! There's nothing wrong with a hand or two. In fact, why not join in the fun?

Xemnas: *glares at Saix*

Saix: They've all completed their missions, so I didn't see any reason to object.

Xemnas: Fine. *sits down*

Luxord: *deals*

Everyone: *falls silent, concentrating.*

(moments later…)

Xaldin: Xigbar, are you in or out?

Xigbar: don't rush me I'm thinking! *looks up at Lexeaus, somewhat intimidated* That's one hell of a poker face you've got.

Lexeaus: *doesn't blink.*

Xigbar: okay I'm in.

Luxord: Let's see what you've got!

Everyone: *throws down cards*

Luxord: Hahaha! Better luck next time. *pulls munny to his side of the table*

Saix: That's the fifth round in a row. Are you cheating??

Luxord: No need when you've got luck on your side. *counts munny* Hold on, someone tried to pay with an IOU!

Everyone: *exchanges accusatory glances until Xigbar is found guilty.*

Xigbar: I'm broke! *with a shrug*

Luxord: Well this won't do! There has to be SOMETHING you can give to compensate.

Saix: *evil grin*

Xigbar: … *blushes, wide eyed* What, again? As if.

Xemnas: A bet is a bet. A man of your status should have no problem paying what he owes. Unless perhaps I've over estimated you?

Xigbar: …. Fine. *strips cloak*

Roxas: *walks in looking innocent and happy* Hey guys what's … *notices Xigbar naked. Turns and exits*

Xigbar: *bright red* …Gimme another beer. *sits down as another hand is dealt*

***

Dining room, fanmail opening session:

Roxas: *taps Axel on shoulder*

Axel: Yes Roxas? *too focused on something off screen to look up.*

Roxas: I was wondering… …. Wait what are you doing?

Axel: *sets Zexion (sitting farther down the table) 's letter stack on fire. Inconspicuously but quickly opens letter up in front of himself* Nothing. What's up?

Zexion: AXEL! *stomps fire out and leaves room after glaring angrily at Axel*

Roxas: …I got this letter that asked something interesting. If Nobodies don't have hearts, why do we seem like we feel?

Axel: Gimme that. *swipes letter in question from Roxas. Skims it over.* Well the answer's pretty simple really. If the writers had made us completely emotionless, you would have been stuck playing a game with hours of:

*example*

(bored looking Axel, Demyx, and Zexion sitting in three chairs in a white room)

…

Zexion: *spontaneously combusts*

Axel: *does nothing*

Demyx: *falls over*

*end example*

Roxas: Oh I get it now!

Demyx: *falls over in back ground*

***

Weight Room:

Xaldin: Demyx? What are you doing here?

Demyx: *sits down backwards on a rowing machine* I'm just here to pump some iron! *begins tugging on random places on the machine.*

Xaldin: … *watches with look of pity/bewilderment*

Demyx: *strains to lift something unliftable. Something cracks. Looks stunned*

Xaldin: Maybe you should just do situps in the corner.

Demyx: Nonsense! Superior told me to hit the weights. Now lets see… *examines stack of weights.*

Xaldin: *watches Demyx begin tugging at dumbbell, lifting with his back* No no no, you'll kill yourself that way.

Demyx: *lifts slightly off ground* RRRAAAA….

Xaldin: Give me that.

Demyx: *drops on Xaldin's foot*

Xaldin: *clenches teeth, excruciating look on his face*

Demyx: Ooh sorry. You okay?

Xaldin: *walks it off* Why don't you just… get on a treadmill, huh?

Demyx: *starts walking on treadmill. Quickly gets bored and starts pushing buttons without knowing what they do*

Xaldin: *looks over from tricep machine just in time to see Demyx jump the speed up to about 20 mph*

Demyx: AAAH!! How do you turn this thing off?!

Xaldin: *runs over* Hit the red button! Move! *reaches out from behind*

Demyx: *trips and flies off backward, plowing into Xaldin*

Xaldin: *smashes into exercise bike behind him, Demyx landing on lap. Glares*

Demyx: I'll just… go over here….

Xaldin: (angrily) Demyx…

Zexion: *(walking by the weight room.) Looks up when he hears loud noises coming from inside*

Xaldin: *Storms out*

Zexion: … *looks inside*

Demyx: *tape holding him to ceiling partially gives out. Unravels and catches him a few feet from the floor. Dangles.* Hi Zexion!

Zexion: …. *walks away pretending to have seen nothing*

***

Some random hallway in the castle:

Xemnas: *walking down the hall*

Xigbar: *coming from other direction*

Xemnas: Number II. Inspection.

Xigbar: What?

Xemnas: Show me your pockets.

Xigbar: … *empties pockets.*

Xemnas: Unzip your jacket.

Xigbar: Huh? Why?

Xemnas: I am your Superior!

Xigbar: ……. *unzips cloak and holds open.*

Xemnas: *stares* … okay carry on. *continues walking*

Xigbar: …. *looks at author* WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT OF THAT???

***

Agrabah:

(Axel and Roxas paired up on a mission)

Roxas: *killing off the last heartless* Almost there!

Axel: *putting in little effort* Hey Rox. Did you wanna skip the clock tower today?

Roxas: Huh? How come?

Axel: I was thinking we'd do something else for a change.

Roxas: *puts away keyblade* Like what?

Axel: Like… lets hit the beach!

Roxas: Okay!

Axel: Cool. I'll take us there right after this…

Roxas: Oh but wait! I don't have my swim trunks.

Axel: *grinning wolfishly* That wont be a problem.

Roxas: *catches on, blushes angrily*

-two seconds later-

Axel: *lying defeated on floor* Well that went well.

Fatass heartless: *waddles over. Sits on Axel*

Axel: *X___X*

***

Grey Area, filling out mission reports.

(Demyx working next to Xigbar)

Demyx: Hey II?

Xigbar: Yeh.

Demyx: *sniggers* Did you ever notice how your number has two eyes, but you only have one? *breaks out laughing*

Xigbar: ……… *glares* Hey Demyx the superior said for you to work out today didn't he?

Demyx: Oh! Did he? *collects papers and heads off to the gym.*

Xigbar: heheheh. You're welcome, Xaldin.

***

_Hello! _

_If you wish to comment, we just ask that you please don't criticize our writing unless it's constructive. We're open to suggestions… just not so open to insult. ._., Thank you!_

**This fic by B and R**


	2. Chapter 2

_Yaaaay welcome to the second chapter of the Org XIII Skits! Expect all the same randomness as the first chapter, and of course the same levels of pervertedness. xD Enjoy!_

_***_

Roxas's Room:

Roxas: *enters with a tired sigh. Crosses room and starts shower. Strips cloak*

Demyx: *sneezes*

Roxas: AAAUGH!

Demyx: SHHH!

Roxas: Why are you in my room?!

Demyx: *jumps out from under bed, puts hand over Roxas's mouth* Quiet he'll hear you!

Roxas: *through fingers* who?

Demyx: (whispering) Marluxia.

Roxas: *pushes hand away and covers self* What'd you do?

Demyx: Well he asked me to water his flowers while he was away at Castle Oblivion…

*flashback*

Demyx: *whistling. Points finger at roses, making small stream of water to sprinkle them.*

Axel: *jumps out behind him.* BOO!

Demyx: AAAAGH! *accidently creates powerful blast of water. Destroys everything*

*end flashback*

Roxas: …

Marluxia: *breaks down door* DEMYX!!!

Xigbar: *strolls in, arms crossed behind head*

Marluxia: Why are you here?

Xigbar: This looks like it'll be funny. What's it about?

Axel: *enters with popcorn*

Marluxia: He killed my flowers!

Demyx: *pointing* Axel did it!

Axel: *turns on heel and leaves*

Marluxia: Nice try but they were drowned not burned!

Vexen: Can you keep it down? I'm trying to concentrate… what's going on?

Xigbar: Demyx killed the flowers.

Vexen: Ooh! *sits on conveniently placed set of bleachers*

Larxene: *saunters in* ooh! Fight?

Xigbar: Tell Axel to bring back the popcorn!

Luxord: *enters carrying Axel carrying popcorn* Got 'im.

Roxas: Uhm… hello?

Demyx: *backing up as Marluxia advances.* Just not the hair, okay? Please!

Marluxia: Stand up.

Audience: *cheers*

Roxas: HEEEEY!!!

Everyone: *looks over*

Roxas: Get out! I'm takin' a shower!

Axel: … All right!

Audience: *starts dragging bleachers into bathroom*

Roxas: No! *shoves crowd out of room. Slams door.* … whew! *starts to strip again*

Xemnas: *bursts in without warning*

Roxas: WAAAH!

Xemnas: Inspection. *closes door*

Roxas: *T_T*

***

Atop the Twilight Town Clock Tower:

Axel: *arriving* Hey Roxas.

Roxas: Hey! You decided to show!

Axel: *sitting down.* Here ya go. *hands Roxas ice cream*

Roxas: *accepts. Takes bite.* Agh! What is this?

Axel: What? *takes bite. Spits out* Aw man! This isn't sea salt ice cream!!

Roxas: Yuck… it tastes like something Donald made.

Axel: *laughs at poop joke.* Well then I guess there's only one use for it!

(down below the clock tower.)

Hayner: *gets hit with "pigeon shit"* AUGH!

***

Grey Area, opening fanmail:

Xigbar: *reading a letter* Aw geez!

Roxas: What?

Xigbar: Just another dumb letter.

Roxas: Read it!

Xigbar: tch. As if.

Luxord: Oh come now. You can't announce it then refuse to read it.

Xigbar: just forget I said anything.

Demyx: *leaning over couch, snatches letter from Xigbar.* It says Dear II, how many times did you have to sleep with Mansex to get the second seat? *breaks out laughing*

Xigbar: *facepalm*

Luxord: Why do all these people think we're just a big orgy here?

Axel: *stops passionately kissing Roxas*

Luxord: *staring at them hopelessly* Nevermind.

***

Somewhere in Castle Oblivion:

Donald: Hurry Sora! The Organization's up to something again!

Sora: eh, we've got time.

Goofy: Well Gawrsh. How 'd you know that, Sora?

Sora: Just call it a hunch.

Elsewhere in the castle:

Marluxia: Axel! Did you steal my hair curlers again?! I've gotta get down there and.. …. AXEL!

Axel: *slight smile on face. Slingshots curlers at Larxene out of boredom.*

Larxene: Hey!

***

Bedroom hallway:

Axel: *closes Vexen's door carefully. Walks briskly down hallway to his room.*

Vexen: (to Zexion) I don't understand it. How could my potion just disappear? You're sure you haven't seen it?

Zexion: I'm sure. I've been at the library all day.

Vexen: Strange. *opens door. Bucket of potion falls on head.* (echoing down hall) AAAHHH DAMN IT!!!

Axel: (from room) BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

***

Twilight Town:

Axel: *steps out of portal*

Zexion: *notices Axel in passing* Axel?

Axel: Oh, hey.

Zexion: What are you doing here? I thought I was the only one required to be here today.

Axel: That was the plan, until Superior decided to step up productivity.

Zexion: I see. It's about time, it feels like we never get anything accomplished. *walks off*

Axel: *continues in other direction, focusing on mission.* … *arrives at destination*

(citizen): May I help you?

Axel: Yeah, I'm here to pick up the pizza?

Mission accomplished.

***

Grey Area:

Roxas: Okay, I finally think I'm starting to get the hang of making my own portals.

Axel: Great! Yeah, I remember when I first learned.

*flashback* (Grey Area)

Axel: *creates portal. Sticks head inside, popcorn in his hands.*

Larxene: Ah! Lexeaus!

Lexeaus: *… has sex.*

Axel: (other side of portal) *grabs handful of popcorn*

Saix: *… watches Axel with questioning look on face. (unable to see what he's seeing.)*

***

Some hallway:

Demyx: Roxas! Just the guy I wanted to see!

Roxas: Hey Demyx.

Demyx: How'd you like to help me out a little? See, Saix pinned me with this mission last minute, and I'm really booked up with all the other ones I've got left for today. Do you think you could take on just one more teensy little mission?

Roxas: *noting pathetic begging face* uhh… I guess I could….

Demyx: *throwing arms around Roxas* Thanks so much! The mission's in Halloween Town, something about a heartless? Oh look I've gotta go. *takes off*

Roxas: what was that all about?

*Later in Halloween Town*

Roxas: *steps out of portal* Okay, I guess this is a mission to eliminate a heartless?

*gigantic heartless appears. Roars*

Roxas: … *looks ready to faint* Thanks a lot Demyx.

*later in castle*

Xaldin: woah you look ready to keel over! What happened?

Roxas: (angrily) It was a long day. *keeps walking*

Demyx: Roxas! I'm glad I caught ya! *runs over* So it turns out I sent you to the wrong place. The mission is in Beast's Castle, I'm always getting those confused! Think you can head over?

Roxas: *glares*

Demyx: Roxas?

Roxas: *glares* Demyx c'mere a sec.

(Fighting noises and screams break out and echo around the castle.)

***

Org. meeting Chair Room:

(Everyone but Axel appears in their chairs. Everyone is struggling to talk over one another.)

Xemnas: SILENCE!!!

Others: *shut up*

Xemnas: It's been brought to my attention that many of you have been recently tortured by a member of the Organization.

Demyx: It's Axel!!!

Xigbar: Superior look! *tugs on ponytail* He dyed my hair green!

Xaldin: You think you've got it bad? *hair is bright pink*

Roxas: You don't even wanna know where he dyed me. *blushing*

Xemnas: Yes it would seem number VIII has had a lot of free time on his hands. I'm sure Saix and I can find a way to keep him busy and out of our way.

*the next day*

Saix: Good morning Axel. Here are your missions for today. *pulls out a small stack of papers. It unfolds until it hits the floor, list continuing*

Axel: What?! You can't be serious.

Saix: Xemnas's orders.

Axel: Come ON. *takes the list and angrily makes the portal. Leaves.*

Demyx: (sitting on couch farther back in the room.) Man that's not good enough. We should be taking revenge on him.

Vexen: (lips colored purple) Like what? We've just basically kicked him out until next Fall.

Demyx: I have an idea! No wait… …… I lost it.

Zexion: *leaning over couch* I have an idea.

Vexen: Oh?

Zexion: *whispers*

Vexen: *grins evilly*

Demyx: *blinks cluelessly*

*one week later*

Saix: Everyone out! Fire!

Xaldin: *fleeing from building in towel*

Roxas: *in pajamas* What's going on?

Xigbar: Axel's burning the castle down!

Roxas: But… where even IS Axel?

Larxene: Probably laughing from somewhere. Asshole.

Demyx: *summoning water to put out fire*

Saix: *standing over Demyx yelling in panic*

*fires are successfully extinguished.*

Axel: *dashes out of building with bedhead and startled expression* What happened?

*number of Org members charge with murderous intent*

Axel: *runs for his life*

Vexen: *Watches happily beside Zexion.* Color _my_ face, will ya?

Zexion: *grins and tucks away matches*

***

Breakfast… place:

Axel: Morning Rox- woah! You look like hell! Didn't you sleep?

Roxas: Not really.

Axel: Well what's the matter?

Roxas: … okay, do you ever feel like someone's standing over you? Watching you sleep?

Axel: *bursts out laughing* Maybe you should lay off the ice cream!

Roxas: *pauses before laughing it off.* Yeah maybe.

*that night*

Roxas: *sleeping soundly*

Cloaked member: *sneaks into room. Hood falls off.*

Vexen: Shall we continue our sleep study, Roxas? *creepy stalker stare*

***

Grey Area:

Zexion: *enters looking exhausted after a hard day. Sits on couch and pulls out book.*

Axel: *enters beside Roxas laughing loudly about something*

Zexion: …*angry face*

Roxas: *sits beside Zexion* Watcha reading?

Zexion: …*pulls out sea salt ice cream*

Axel/Roxas: OOH!

Zexion: *throws out window*

Axel/Roxas: *jumps out window*

Zexion: … *happy face. Resumes reading*

***

Halloween Town:

Roxas: *steps out of portal*

Jack: Merry Christmas!!!

Roxas: … Christmas?

Jack: (impersonating santa) Here you go, little boy! *hands a candy cane*

Roxas: … *stares in bewilderment* Thank you?

Jack: Hohoho! *prances off*

Roxas: …. Isn't it July?

Demyx: *runs by in elf costume*

***

_Hello! _

_If you wish to comment, we just ask that you please don't criticize our writing unless it's constructive. We're open to suggestions… just not so open to insult. ._., Thank you!_

**This fic by B and R**


End file.
